If I could be granted three wishes...

We all have been asked the question in life: If you had three wishes what would it be? Whether it was a questionaire on your elementary school quiz or you questioned yourself while watching Disney's Aladdin - it has been asked.

Let's just be selfish for once and not give the answer "world peace." Here are my three selfish wishes...

 

My first wish would have to be my dream home! I hope to one day be able to afford to create the home of my dreams! White, gray, black, industrial, bright, with a slight touch of bohemian. I want large windows to bring in natural light. I love hard wood floors, exposed brick, character, and lots of space! I want somewhere I can do my art and live happily with my love. He will be the one to make me food, so he can decide the kitchen. ;)

My second wish would be to become a super hero! I have always had a fascination with the super power world. Cat Woman, Spider-man, and the X-Men in particular. Super speed, mind reading, invisibility, something. I like the idea that I could help others that can not be helped. The idea that you have something no one else can take.

My final wish would be to become a successful artist! My inspiration is Charmaine Olivia an oil painter, Rachel Harris ncororates her art into her fashion designs, and Alexandra Valenti - a talented photographer who turns a simple photograph into a canvas of beautiful colors. All of them have seemed to follow their dreams and grew a great following. I want to some day have my works of art out there for everyone to appreciate as I appreciate theirs.

☽ Where is genie when you need him? ☾

When it comes to someone's wishes, it is obvious that they will never be magically granted to us like a childhood fairy tale. We have to make them happen with some sweat and tears. 

My dream home will never be handed to me untill I get off my a$$ and actually make it happen. I must follow my dreams and earn it. If I make myself into a successful artist someday, it could help pave the road to my dream living situation. But again I must earn it.

I will obviously never obtain super powers, but I can do something more realistic: be kind and help those in need. I do not need powers to do this. Simply a big heart.

What would you wish for, and how can you grant your own wishes?

WARNING: A Look inside My Personal Disorder

Let's get real for a second.


I am a sufferer of a disorder called social anxiety. I in fact do take medication for it - for my anxiety and depression. I am a firm believer of taking pills for mental disorders, if it is in fact helping you personally. It does not work on everyone. I do not believe I would even be here if it were not for them. Addicted? No, more-so if I wish to be a productive human being they help me keep my symptoms down.

Social anxiety is the fear of interaction with other people that brings on self-consciousness, feelings of being negatively judged and evaluated, and, as a result, leads to avoidance. It is a pervasive disorder and causes anxiety and fear in most all areas of a person's life.  It is chronic because it does not go away on its own. To do that you would have to change the brain

Ever since I can remember, I have always been an introvert. (P.s. you can be an introvert without having social anxiety). My shyness however was extremely different from the other kids. While they grew out of it throughout the years, mine continuously got worse. 

People with social anxiety are many times seen by others as being shy, quiet, backward, withdrawn, inhibited, unfriendly, nervous, aloof, and disinterested.

I would black out in high-stressful situations, shake rapidly, my head would stiffen uncontrollably, sweat, turn red, and eventually I would break down and cry (in private usually). What about? Anything. Ordering my food, talking to ANYONE not of my household family (randomly even them), entering a room knowing anyone could look at me. I had a fear of interaction.

People with social anxiety usually experience significant distress in the following situations:

• Being introduced to other people
• Being teased or criticized
• Being the center of attention
• Being watched or observed while doing something
• Having to say something in a formal, public situation
• Meeting people in authority ("important people/authority figures")
• Feeling insecure and out of place in social situations ("I don’t know what to say.")
• Embarrassing easily (e.g., blushing, shaking)
• Meeting other peoples’ eyes
• Swallowing, writing, talking, making phone calls if in public

This list is not a complete list of symptoms -- other symptoms may be associated with social anxiety as well.

Interaction was only the beginning. Interaction meant judgement. Judgement then automatically lead to "they hate me." For no reason what-so-ever I felt I was not loved. I was hated. Due to obvious reasons, this lead me to become very depressed. I hated myself. I wanted to be someone else and envied others. I remember countless times I would be going home with my mom after school crying about how my thoughts were constantly telling me "no one likes you" "you are not worth it" "no one will ever love you." My mom would be the typical mother and tell me how much people do love me, yadda yadda. It did not help. Nothing could get those thoughts out of my head. They were not voices in my head, but those thoughts would never stop cycling.

People with social anxiety typically know that their anxiety is irrational, is not based on fact, and does not make rational sense.  Nevertheless, thoughts and feelings of anxiety persist and are chronic (i.e., show no signs of going away). 

I wanted friends. I wanted to be able to communicate my thoughts because I knew I had a lot to offer. I wanted to love others and yet my body would not allow it. It felt vacant. There was an invisible barrier. I could see what I COULD have: acceptance and human touch. I wanted to love so badly. My anxiety physically and mentally held me back. The more I wanted it the more my symptoms got worse.

Paradoxically, people with social anxiety want to make friends, be included in groups, and be involved and engaged in social interactions.  But having social anxiety prevents people from being able to do the things they want to do.  Although people with social anxiety want to be friendly, open, and sociable, it is fear (anxiety) that holds them back. 

I am still an awkward/quiet thing that people still can tell "she is different." The thoughts about people not liking me, yes they are still there. The medication does not rid me of my obsessive thoughts. It does halt those symptoms from occurring and helps me relax and I slowly work through whatever is occurring at the moment. My medication provides symptomatic relief and allows me to accomplish things I would not otherwise have been able to do at the time. It will never cure me of it or attack the root of it. But I can finally function and get thru the day. 


I receive a lot of negativity for my use of medications for my mental disorder and still even for the fact I am still too quiet. People think you can just change, that is ridiculous. Everyone is different. Not only that but everyone's brain works differently too. Don't tell us to relax, don't sweat the small things, just do it. Please don't say to us "why are you so quiet?" "I got over it, why can't you?" "I know how you feel, I am shy too." "Social anxiety isn't a real disorder." It is a disorder that affects every aspect of our daily life. It is irresponsible and rude to debate the legitimacy of something if you know little about it and have not experienced it firsthand. Those comments really affect us with it and is a big reason why most sufferers never seek help. It is offensive to me to hear all my hard work of trying to be "myself" goes unseen and unappreciated.

How does this all relate back to my fashion blog. Simple. My fashion is a great escape for me. As I have had on my bio for this blog since I started it: In our society, people do judge a book by its cover. Your style is something for them to look at. My simple choices of outfits help me show the world who I am. I am not required to speak, or put on a show for you. All you have to do is look at me and you can see what type of person I am. "But you do not like to be looked at?" Yes so true, however, I can never avoid that. I have to get over it. My style helps me do so because it, again, is my escape. I (personally) feel I am a great stylist. I can show people my talent without a spoken word.

Social media is very simple to conceal my personal life. I feel I have two personas and have come to the conclusion I want to be completely honest with my readers. I want people to see I am a real person. I have issues like everyone else and I want people to start to understand what people with S.A.D. are going through. Research before you debate with someone on something so personal. You do not know the harm you could be causing with just one sentence. Instead, love them and accept them. That is all they wish to feel.



Information on this post courtesy of socialphobia.org

WARNING: Contains Nudity

Left: Rick Owens Winter 2015. Right: Scene from Netflix show Marco Polo.

Tom Ford on Rick Owens showing penis on the runway at his fall 2015 menswear show:
“OK, I’m not going to wear it, but I think [Owens] is an artist in the way that McQueen was an artist,” he says. “As an artistic statement—equal opportunity objectification.”

Tom Ford on being furious over GQ censoring a naked male spread he did several years ago:
“We use women’s bodies to sell everything, but we have a weird hang-up about naked men,” he offers. Which brings him full circle back to the merch. “Why not put a TF [his initials] right here? If people are going to stare at my crotch, they might as well see the logo.” 

courtesy of Fashion Gone Rogue

Left: Pam Hogg Fall 2013 Right: Rick Owens Winter 2015

Equal opportunity objectification. We use women’s bodies to sell everything, but we have a weird hang-up about naked men.

Something I could not have said any better myself. Everyday films, television shows and magazine ads come out with women's naked bodies nonchalantly thrown into the scenes. Sometimes thrown in when it isn't even relevant to the issue. Just for the heck of it.

Carl's Jr Superbowl Commercial...for burgers...

I have always been bothered by the one-sided treatment. I flip through the tv and you can easily come across a nipple or ass. I was watching the Netflix original show "Marco Polo" with my boyfriend a month ago. I saw a woman's breasts and crotch every ten minutes in the first three episodes. Why are people so casual about this, but go berserk over 5 minutes of penis? There is a scene where Marco must prove himself to the Emperor by wandering through the "hall of desire." Basically walk through a bunch of completely naked mistresses trying to seduce him, stripping him of his shirt and almost pants. Marco finds it ever so hard (looks like he took ecstasy) to get through without giving in to the temptation. Women are objectified as sex symbols, and it is completely natural to us. My boyfriend sighed with empathy "oh that is so hard" in which I replied "Disgusting - You're a major turn off." I could go on about this scene in particular, as it truly upset me, but it lead to more conversation to the actual point of this post. 

 

 

I was fed up at this point because this show only shows women's privates in a demeaning manner and never men. I vetoed the show for good (even though it is actually really good). I told my boyfriend this and his reaction was "I don't want to see a penis." ..."So you want to see a woman's vagina and boob?" "No, but it is normal to see that. Sex sells." Normal. Sex Sells. This is the counter-argument...

I was appalled. I love my boyfriend, but this way of thinking just baffled me. We exchanged our points, coming to the conclusion that he in fact does understand and agrees with my views. He sees the inequality but knows the reality we live in: nudity brings in the ratings. But why is it society is okay with objectifying only women? The response "it is normal" made me feel so belittled.

When I saw the commotion on Facebook of the Rick Owens runway show I was ecstatic. Though he is not doing it for these reasons, it gave me a sense of satisfaction that finally objectification will be on both sides - equal! People were outraged and grossed out by the peeping fellas under the garments. Was I? No. Did I want to see those tiny little guys? No. I, as well, would prefer not to see them. So do you want to see a vagina? Peoples normal response is no, yet they have a hesitation: acceptance. It is everywhere, women are objectified throughout advertisements, runways, movies, etc without a second thought. It was nice to see a man put men in our position.

Although this may be shocking to some, women have been showing their bare breasts, their butts and sometimes even their vaginas on the catwalk for years, so it's only fair that men get the same treatment, right?

Angles and Placement on social media

These photos aren't a great representation for what I am about to write. I want to mention the importance of angles and thinking before speaking.

Angles. You can go from being 'thin' to 'fat' in the twist of your chin. Angles and placement plays a huge role in our selfies. I usually photograph from the left. My face appears thinner, a bit more feminine and my crooked eye (you probably haven't noticed?) is more concealed. My right side of my face looks fuller to me, so, I have conquered how to hide this. If I want my legs to look thinner, I make them hover - rather than let them relax against the cushion of my chair.

People shame girls all over social media about "loosing too much weight" or "gaining too much weight." Think before you speak. They know their angles and of course they will use them to their benefit. If you attack them over their body you are (perhaps) lowering their self-esteem. People come in different shapes and sizes. It is also none of your business as to what they do with it.

This post is not particularly what you would call a fashion post, but there is a relation. People need to realize there is such a thing as angles and placement and some of us are better at it than others. If you notice a girl varies from photo to photo, it is not your business to call her out on it. Even if it is photoshopping, she has to walk the world the next morning without the luxury of an app. I have yet to meet a woman without any insecurities about her body. If she feels good about falsifying her body for a minute on instagram/facebook/blogs then let her. Just feel happy you have the confidence not to do that yourself.

“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” ― Albert Einstein

and a little one for you lads and gals out there struggling with insecurities

“If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” ― RuPaul

Amen ;)